Now if you know me well enough, you’d know that I’m always down to get the dirty on doing the deed and talking about it. I’m a big believer in self-development and improving myself in all areas of my life, including having a good sex life.
There are so many ways out there to help spice up your bedroom and improve your sex life, such as working with a coach (like myself), going to sex therapy for more serious issues, seeking out advice online for sex tips in a relationship, and reading self-help articles and books for healthy sex tips. It’s fantastic to know that there are so many options out there to help with our sex life problems, especially when sex slows down in relationship, and we're looking to spice things up again.
But what other things can we do to have a good sex life? This article explores the unexpected and surprising ways that you can do to spice up your bedroom with common everyday things that we do, including:
Listening To Music
You might have heard before that things like chocolate, oysters, and strawberries are common aphrodisiacs, but did you know that listening to music is an equally powerful aphrodisiac as well? Listening to music tends to increase our sexual pleasure and performance as it fills our brains with dopamine, also known as the “pleasure” hormone. This same hormone also fills our brains when we are having sex and reaching peak climax (orgasming) as well.
Listening to music tends to set “the mood” and “turns us on” in the moment, bringing us to desire some sexy time either with ourselves or with our partners. It’s a combination of both the tune of the music (the instrumentals you are hearing) and the lyrics, especially if they are sexually suggestive, which could literally be pumping “sexy energy” into your brain and subconsciously giving you ideas.
Music can make us feel all sorts of moods, including pumping us up and making us feel more confident. Listening to the right music can even make us feel so confident in ourselves, that we might even be more willing to make risky decisions, such as approaching a potential match in the hopes of getting lucky, according to a French study.
The results of this study even found that female subjects who listened to romantic songs were more receptive to male interest than those who did not. So next time you’re looking to get down and dirty with a woman, just throw on a little bit of that sweet Marvin Gaye ;)
Getting Into Rhythm And Dancing
They say to “dance your troubles away” but can dancing also improve your sex life problems? It turns out it can in multiple different ways! You may not realize this in the moment but having sex can be compared to dancing out on a dance floor. Both can require a lot of grinding movements (moving your body) and having good rhythm to be successful and considered “great” in the moment.
Dancing also invigorates our bodies with energy and that feel-good “pleasure” hormone I mentioned in the previous point. It brings out confidence and shows off a playful side. Both of those traits are kryptonite to women, and on top of having great rhythm and grinding our bodies together, well we are going to want to take you home and do those actions in the bedroom too!
Now, this might be difficult to wrap your head around (it might even sound a bit “woo-hoo” to you), but numerous studies out there have proven the power behind daily meditation. It allows you to fully stay focused in the moment, which is a crucial skill to have in the bedroom during sex as well.
Additionally, very few people out there have ever sat down with themselves and truly reflected on the reasons why they like to have sex. Yes, we all realize that sex is awesome, but there is more than just simply that. Dig deeper than simply surface level and get clear on why you have sex, what it gives you, and how in turn it feeds the relationship you have with another person.
Through reflecting and finding clarity in why you like to have sex, you can in turn share this with your partner. Through conversation and clarity, you can take your decent or good sex life to exceptional and amazing.
Did you know that increased blood flow caused by exercise leads to better sexual functions in men? Long are the days where exercise simply was only great to do for our physical and mental health, as now it’s additionally great for our sexual health as well. Even within women, regular exercise has been reported to help increase our sexual desire, arousal, and satisfaction all around.
When you exercise, the brain produces endorphins (the “happy” chemical in our brains) that in turn help to encourage the release of our sex hormones. These hormones produce many benefits in the moment, including reducing your heart rate, improving your digestion, and lowering your blood pressure and cortisol levels. These hormones also relax and prime your body to get it ready for a little one-on-one action in the bedroom too.
Finally, physical activity—especially strength training—can increase levels of testosterone, which may boost sex drive in men and women. So whether you are single or have a partner in your life, here’s just yet another reason to add to the lists of benefits surrounding physical activity and adding fitness into our daily routines.
Using Your Calendar
Writing out to-do lists are great, but they are only simply words on a paper. To get things done on these lists requires action, which is when you have to resort to pulling out a calendar (personally, I am obsessed with using my Google calendar) and scheduling it down instead.
When you schedule things down into your calendar and then treat them as non-negotiable (aka this shit is getting down now), then you are more successful in crossing things off your to-do list and moving forward. Now how does this relate to improving your sex life? Well when it comes to our daily routines, we have so much to get done each day, including work priorities, spending time with family and friends, and pursuing our interests and hobbies. By the end of the day, we can simply just be too tired for sex. This is when scheduling comes in handy.
Now, as someone who LOVES spontaneous, in-the-moment sex myself and HATES the idea of scheduled sex, it might seem a bit ironic that I’m promoting this idea. But hear me out. No matter how busy I get, I always make sure to prioritize sex (whether that’s by myself or with my partner) and it’s a MUST for me. Not everyone can automatically do this though. So for men and women who are struggling with this, then scheduling sex could be a life-changer to improve their sex lives to prioritize it.
I know it may sound super unsexy to schedule sex, but it doesn’t have to be. With just a bit of creativity and an open mind, scheduling sex could propel your sex life to a whole other level. Putting sex on the calendar also gives you something to look forward to at the end of the day, and it especially makes the workday go by a little bit easier as well.
Ultimately, the way that I see it, sex is far too important to simply just leave up to spontaneous chance if it’s not naturally a priority in your daily life, or to simply languish at the bottom of your to-do list to take forever to cross off. By scheduling it as a non-negotiable, you make having sex happen. It might seem unusual at first, but once you get into a routine and get used to it, you can improve your sex life in so many ways! I also personally recommend doing different things in the bedroom (such as usually a variety of different sex toys) to spice things up so it’s never always the same thing ;)
Cleaning/Organizing Your Bedroom
It’s truly amazing the effects the state of our bedroom can have within our lives, including affecting our sleep and stress levels. The state of our bedroom can even affect our sex lives as well. Messy and disorganized bedrooms can create a state of chaos in our lives, and in turn, clean and organized bedrooms can create a sense of peace and relaxation.
Kim Diamond, a professional organizer, shares various tips in her article about the importance of decluttering and cleaning up your bedroom and opening it up to romance. A few of the tips she shares to help organize and clean bedrooms for both single people and those in relationships include:
Eliminate any clutter or mess off your bed – this can include any unfolded clothes, books, magazines, etc.
Get rid of any signs of “other people” – so whether this includes any signs of your past (your childhood stuffed animals, photos of your ex and parents, etc.) or sending out kids and pets out of the room. No one likes having an audience staring at them while in the middle of the act.
Remove any distractions from the room – whether you are going solo or getting hot and heavy with your partner, make sure to turn off all electronics, hide your phones, etc. so that you are not disturbed and can be in the moment.
If you want to go a step further, you can even look into redecorating your room as well. Create a “love palace” that makes someone feel relaxed, peaceful, and open to romance and intimacy the moment they walk through the door.
These healthy sex tips are perfect for those who are tackling various sex life problems, such as when sex slows down in relationship, or those who are just wanting to have a really good sex life overall!
Author: Rebecca Bartley, Dating & Relationship Coach for Single Men
Rebecca Bartley is the Founder/Dating & Relationship Coach for Dating Bites, a coaching company dedicated to helping single men tackle their dating and relationship issues to attract their dream woman and form a long-lasting relationship together. With over 10 years worth of industry knowledge and experience when it comes to dating and relationships, Rebecca has been coaching both men and women to become more successful in their relationships and the dating world overall. If you are interested in working one-on-one with Rebecca, click here to book a FREE Strategy Call with her to start seeing results and improving your love life today!